Reuben-my big bear

As I took my walk to school today, I did something that I normally will not engage in. I kept looking at the ground- the black and white shades that seem to fuzzle into grey patches. I did not dare to look up because the images before me might make me forget how Reuben looks like.

Reuben went home to be with the Lord on Friday, 23rd November 2007 after a dragon boat accident in Cambodia and went missing after the boat capsized. Yesterday, his body was found some distance away from the site of the accident and is due to return to Singapore. Jill txt my Singapore line and if my cousin *with that line* had not been here, I will not have known about it [no internet to access to news:(]
I cannot imagine myself returning to Singapore a year later to find out that Reuben is gone. It's just..

I met Reuben when I started rowing in NYP. He was a tall burly dark bear that walks around, looking really fierce. That image fuzzles out when he smiles because he had a really nice set of pearly white teeth. I remembered that I first spoke to him on my birthday in 2004-because of a box of winnie the pooh jigsaw puzzle. I took my first photos with him on that day and we made our first email contact on that day. We had our first medals in NYP together at Bedok Reservoir. Joyce tried to trick him into doing something if I won a medal but it neve came to pass. He never fails to tease me about pull ups- always asking me to bring up the muscles to hit the pull up bars in NYP. We were teased by teammates because we just kinda hang out and laughed at a corner when we are supposed to be training. His passion for rowing blew me away when he bought his own paddle and trains almost every other day. The distinction in his tasks and pursuits made me understand the driving power of enthusiasm and passion.We had our occasional MSN chats when I will receive links to his webby for his music-double blown away. We will just exchange few thoughts about his music( though I think I was never much of a help) but still he took that thought and probe till he is able to prefect it. His music was rarely only for himself. The random tots that we exchange, big bear always give me weird answers. He gets a little too busy with music and our conversations always get left hanging. Big bear likes chicken rice-at least that was the only thing we ate together(with Yixue). I left my team not long after that and rarely saw him. Till one day near church, I met him with his group of friends- he could not recognise me cuz I was in a skirt( yea, he acknowledges me as a guy most of the time:P)We said let's meet up but..

I did not say goodbye to him before I left for Australia because he was too busy with work as well. He facebooked me and said we should meet up when I get back, and that will only happen next year.

People questioned why God takes away people who had so much ahead of them, having not finished doing what they are ought to accomplish. They say that God is unfair. Is He? For myself, taking such wonderful people away spoke to me- what have they left behind for the people in this world? Have you made use of every mince of your time that you have wasted none on this Earth? Regrets abound when u remember them?


Big bear, when I return next year, I may not get to see you the way I wished, hear your voice and laughther, your teasing and pokings the way I wished. You could not care less about what people's comments are as long as you were true to what you were doing- that was the amazing focus you had. The tall dark figure will forever lay to rest and be home with our Father. I pray that you will find the peace that you have been searching for. You gave me memories in rowing- from the first medals, to the first marathon, and first secret training that we could not let coach know. The words we exchanged were few.. but those words will not amount to the weird affinity we shared about life. You gave your all everytime,perhaps knowing that living for that day was the most worthwhile thing to do. Your music will play on in my heart.
Remembering your backview on the last time I met you at Adam road, I just thank God that I met you. *big hugs*:)

PS: He is the fourth person to leave me ever since I came to Sydney.God, aRe you telling me something?